It begins

Sitting on a plane really sets in the reality that I am off to live in a foreign country for 8 straight months. Away from incredible family. Away from where I have called home and dedicated my literal blood, sweat and tears for four years. Away from the teammates I call sisters who have gotten me through my best and worst moments.  Away from my love and incredibly supportive boyfriend who is my rock.  Away from everything I feel comfortable with. I sit here with a rather large knot in my stomach that is from so many emotions all at once I can't eat. I was rather surprised that when my mother hugged me while crying, I didn't break down. Not when my dad squeezed me tight. I even kept it together saying goodbye for the third time to the person I hate going one day without to another bout of long distance knowing this will definitely be the hardest one yet. I was still numb to the idea I wouldn't be back in Seattle. Even when I see pictures of my team mates all dressed up for the pre-season dinner, I still haven't fully comprehended I won't wear the purple and gold this fall and make another run in the tournament. Hugs, kisses, high fives; and still no tears. Only then when I stepped foot towards the security line and away from my family did everything hit me all at once. It literally took everything I had to not break down and run back to my loved ones.
Sitting in my seat, I question whether I made the right choice. Is this crazy? Is it worth the time spent away from everything?  I'm the biggest homebody you'll ever meet so this decision to me seems completely out of character. I knew this would happen but I didn't realize how uncomfortable it would feel once I got here. I feel homesick already and I'm not even past Oregon yet. Typing these words, I'm using every fiber in my being to not cry next to the woman who hasn't glanced my way since she sat next to me. College was exciting for me because I had some sort of expectation of what I would be going through. My job as a student-athlete was comfortable and familiar to me for 8 years. I may still be playing volleyball, but it's no longer an option to drive down I-5 whenever I need a little home. It's managing time zones and praying I have wi-if when I need a familiar smile and reassuring words.

Sitting here now I have already failed and started crying again. Thankful for this window seat and ability to pretend to enjoy the view.  Everyone has asked me if I am excited for this opportunity. Of course I am. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity that I have to take and am extremely grateful for. I just have get past all of these initial fears, doubts, insecurities, and worries that I have built up in my imagination. Those who know me will only smile knowingly at my panic because it's my process before I finally can let myself believe that everything will be fine.  I'm going to have an incredible experience and cannot wait to share it with all of you.  I wasn't sure if I really wanted to go through the effort to document my time overseas, but I didn't know what else to do with my jumbled thoughts so here I am spilling my guts for all to see.
Sitting here with my headphones and endless country playlist I reflect on the past summer, the past four years at UW, and all the wonderful people in my life who have gotten me to this point.  One huge lesson I have learned is nothing great comes easy. Washington volleyball was the hardest time in my life.  But it was the most rewarding and life fulfilling experience I have had yet.  I know with this knot in my stomach I am making the right decision because it doesn't feel easy.  It's gonna take work and a lot of deep breaths, but it's a challenge I can't wait to attack.  (Volleyball joke yay!) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the love, support and encouragement from you all to take this next step. I look forward to all of my new adventures and proving to myself that these types of chances reap unlimited rewards.
Brace yourselves because if I write this much without even leaving the country yet, who knows what else I'll have to gab about. (Haha get it?) Bad name puns.

From 30,00 feet above you with love,

Gabbi